bittersweetfly's Xanga

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Wed, 18 May 2011 15:14:55 GMT

Salam.

I sometimes talk what I doesn't meant to talk, something that I rather keep to myself because it maybe mislead. But mess had been done, long way to go to amend things and trying to be optimistic again, I convince myself things will get back to normal soon, very soon that I forgot there are loophole somewhere in between the process.

Cat and Kid

Sun, 15 May 2011 14:36:14 GMT

Salam.

Apparently my house is full with cat. I counted them last evening and maybe total of them is 6? Maybe. Cat don't fancy me. Not yet. Maybe. Neither I fancy them. Fair enough. As now I learned never say never, so I am not allowed to say I would never caressing cat, because who knows I might be do that later?

Because now I already am doing something that I had swear I won't many years back and to think of that make me ashamed. I should not really say aloud 'I will never bla bla bla'. (Hint : Korean.Variety.Shows.HaHa.Ha-Dong-Hong).Hahah. Yeah, you guess me right, I am already fallen for that variety shows. Not to mention keep forcing my friend to download that faster and shout to me when that show is ready. Very typical me that don't really know this word of waiting. hehe

Sometimes I don't know whether children nowadays grow too fast or they adapt too soon with future. I prefer to see kid in all cuteness, a bit shabby, a lot of mistakes that I need to correct while talking, doing kid's thing, jumping or running or drawing doodle- rather than seeing them sit still reading a book or staring faces timidly because too afraid to make a sound. They are educated in all seriousness and bound to commit no mistake by their parents. Which sometimes they don't looked like a kid to me, and I don't know, maybe world today demand us to grow very fast and make it necessary for baby to know how to spell by two?

Kid and baby please be cute, there is an aunty sister here that prefer you being cute rather than seeing old people acting cute.Please.

I have been too far from what I had planned to write, I forget already now what to write actually. So thank you for reading this rambling that is leading nowhere. Bye bye and take care =)

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Sat, 07 May 2011 00:36:08 GMT

Salam.

My bestfriend, is having another bestfriend. What should I do? Should I beg to her to only have me as her bestfriend?

Haha. Never come across my mind that I would have this feeling, envious to see my bestfriend with her other besties and a feeling to keep her only as my bestfriend.

But now as there are lesser people in daily occasion, I think that loneliness seeping into me at higher rate. During undergraduate studies, we have bunch of bestfriend to do things together. So although I am alone, but I don't really feel lonely.

Now, on top of I am alone (I am roomate-less!), I do feel lonely too sometimes. Luckily technology today make the distance less severe in friendship, but to the extent of skype or video-call, I am not yet to reach that point. I am too shy to express my 'tender love' towards my bestfriend, yes. I felt very awkward to walk hand in hand with besties while having a walk, hugging or cheek kiss or any skinship. So if you are feeling unloved being my bestfriend, I am very sorry. Haha.

Okay back to reality, next week, I have a presentation (or two). I hope everything will flow smoothly. And I noticed that I always conclude my entry with 'I hope bla bla bla'.Haha. I attend viva for a PhD candidate last week and I left that seminar room with nothing except a feeling of respect to all PhD holders. Even to complete this master alone make me nauseated at all times, I can't imagine to have that feeling for the next 5 years if I am about to extend my study until PhD level. Maybe I need to take a break and have a glimpse of working life first, so that I am prepared and financially stable later.

Bye bye and take care.

ps: Too much Running Man is not good.

pps: How to not feel fat? Wear your shirt at your actual size! Not a size or two smaller.hehe

Organs and Us

Wed, 04 May 2011 22:25:25 GMT

Salam.

I was pondering inside long ago about this, and luckily today I stumble across this.

So, after reading this, I come to conclusion that Islam is not forbidding us from donating the organs. :)

Since I was small, I have this dream to have my organs donated to those in need after I died. But I thought Islam prohibit us from doing so because we must 'return' back to God all 'things' that been lend to us in perfect condition. (die without anything missing).

But the article stated that there is nothing valuable after we died except than our deeds,- all our organs and body and everything is no longer usable later. So rather than letting all that wasted...

“Apabila mati anak Adam, maka putuslah segala amalannya, kecuali tiga perkara. Pertama, sedekah jariah yang pernah diberikannya ketika ia masih hidup, kedua, ilmu yang bermanfaat, ketiga, anak yang soleh yang mendoakan keduanya”

But one thing for sure, need to get parents and family member permission first so that they will be prepared.

Bye bye and take care.

Trial and Error

Tue, 03 May 2011 23:09:00 GMT

Salam.

May come together with many many deadlines to catch. I hope May will be kind to me.

It is so wrong to write your frustration towards your friend in the blog or FB or any virtual means because I have done that several times, and in the end I only develop bitterness in our friendship. Because many many girls will go 'Is she talking about me?' 'I think she talk about me, nobody else for sure' and many more negative thoughts.

Some of my cooler friends came to me and asked if I am really talking about them. Yes very cool of them. Some of less cool just avoid me and started world war with me.hehe.Kidding.

But yeah, I hope you get my point here. Writing like that, I had make many friends' heart wounded. So just confront your friend if you have anything to say, like a man.This way, is more matured and create less hassle.

The 40-year-old me talking here.Let see if I can make it.

Bye bye and take care.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Mon, 02 May 2011 12:19:34 GMT

Salam.

Some fashion are meant to be stay on the net, not in the real world. I am not faithful to fashion, keep updating with fashion requires big chunk of money and that alone explains why I am like this.

I guess what important is to know what works best for me.

I think instant hijab will make me look couple of years older, so I don't bother trying (except when I am really really in hurry).

Orange eyeshadow also won't make me look pretty, so let the color stays for those who really suit.

Black eyeliner will make me look like a rebellious teenager, so I opt for brown eyeliner. I think brown eyeliner work best for those with fair complexion, no?

Tennis shoes is nice, but that kind of shoe won't make me look prettier.

Vibrant color is sometimes nice, but not work too well for me.

While teaching in the class, I observed the outfit of the students. Indeed, as said by most of my male lecturers, it is disturbing to see the female students wear very tight top in the class. Even me myself as a 22-year-old girls, find it disturbing. (Okay maybe I am incompetent to talk about this)

Don't lie to yourself saying that those 4-inch heels is the most comfortable foot gear. Please have some consideration to your body. Wear flat sometimes.

I wear covered shoe most of the time now because, I found exposing too much foot skin in formal occasion inappropriate.

I miss most of my friends now. We are very far apart now, right?

I also miss xanga.

Bye and take care.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 15:42:55 GMT

Salam.

I can see that I am too close with a point that I can consider self-betrayal. I have made a promise to not involved with this until a certain time that I am confident I will be good in it and no longer fooled by emotion. Please not now, I have a lot to catch and knowing me, I might let myself down. All my dreams is much more valuable than this hormone-influenced thingy.

This is so wrong.

Secured Secret

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 02:14:31 GMT

Salam :)

While I am here, I miss my old times with childish friends and sisters, which we joke about anything and have nothing to be hide from each other because we just knew we can trust each other. But now, I still can joke, but not all secrets can be told to everybody because that secret may cost your life jeopardy (exaggerated), I know you understand. A kind of secret which may make you lose a friend.

I once have been dumbstruck, when we are in a group chitchat, laughing and joking stupidly and one of my friend slip out my so-called secret and announced it to the group as if that is a good joke to be shared. I had all feelings at my mind by that time, seeing others laughing upon hearing my secret/weakness as well as seeing my friend's face that told that secret to others as easy as breathing.

So I have two advices here;

1) Don't let your secret be known by others in every way. Try to keep it to yourself. You are the only capable person to keep the secret safe.

2) Don't joke about everything. Mind the sensitivity first.

By the way, do apologize if you commit things like this, friendship are much more valuable to be broken by this mistake.

Bye bye and take care =)

Shame

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 08:44:30 GMT

Salam :)

First few days at campus that had passed just okay, haven't encountered anything that makes me sad or stimulate any negative feeling yet. I hope this positive air will continuously around.

Anddd, I am 22-year-old now! =D All the wishes were so sweet and yes, at this age remembrance and thought on my own birthday are way better than anything else. Thanks for all the thoughts dear friends. :)))

Being generous is not only converge on money, but deeds and what we willing to help others are much more appreciated . I found this one (actually more than one) friend, which I understand that she is not financially stable but she is always the one that will voluntarily raise her hand to help others, in any form that helping. It is not because this is her defense mechanism because she has no money, it is because she is generous, but in another kind that I find more helping and rare to be found. Her parents are raising her well, and I am proud to be one of her friend. And obviously, she do not help others aimed to get some sort of limelight, which is another reason of me writing about this. ( Of course she has no idea that I am writing this )

She will help whoever without having any second thought whilst I am being picky to whom I should help. Shame on me :/

***

"That's what I consider true generosity. You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing."

Simone De Beauvoir

***

Bye bye and take care! :)

Of Night, Silent and Loneliness

Thu, 17 Feb 2011 15:08:44 GMT

Salam :)

Writing somewhere far from beloved hometown, I am now at a place which I was bidding farewell couple of months ago. I hope everything will flow smoothly although this first night feels different from usual, which my usual night means teasing and playing and kneading legs :/

Mother and Father were really happy and proud for this, and I hope in whatever I do and engage, they will always be.

I hope for something else, actually, just like most of us. But still, I have to have some progress in life. I hope each and everyone else will reach a point in our life where regret lies nowhere. Hopefully.

Bye bye and take care!